Chore Avoider Pillows

'Got'a be done I s'pose.'

Steve always dreads the end of football season."

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

"They don't look like the tools you'll need to put the kitchen shelves up with!"

"The cat cleaned the birdcage."

"Unfortunately, my wife knows me like a book. She's a librarian."

"Uh, it's the funniest thing honey... None of my power tools seem to work! I guess those projects will have to wait..."

"Geoffrey's just psyching himself up to put the bins out."

"It's your turn to shovel the perch."

"This is my furlough day. I just came in to escape the yard work at home."

"It's my "To-Do" list if I ever get the energy..."

"Not to complain but you promised to mow the lawn."

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

'He claims to be a recovering workaholic.'

Lazy Gardeners

"You'll do anything to get out of taking out the garbage."

Why do chicks dig vampires? They're forbidden, immortal. They have unimaginable strength. They visit at night, bringing wisdom and sensuality. And if they don't take out the trash or mow the lawn you can burn them to death with sunlight! Yikes. They can get housework done while I sleep.

'Burying things is his version of spring cleaning.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

'Cleanliness is next to 'clean room' in the dictionary. Look it up.'

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

The four housemen of procrastination

"We need to walk."

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

'I don't know who he is...but he roto-tilled my entire yard and never even stopped to let me thank him!'

'If you want to get some exercise, carry this out to the garbage.'

'He claims to be a recovering workaholic.'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."