Choral Director Gifts

Choirmaster conducting, with one hand over a choirboy's mouth.

A Capella: singing without musical accompaniment.

Marimba

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'OK, everybody...'Louie, Louie' from the top!'

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

He looks so natural lying there...

Hildegard von Bingen

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"Play 'Misty' for me."

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"Maybe we should just let heaven and nature sing."

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

Cricketer's funeral

'Do we have any oldies but goodies that you would care to hear?'

"How awful! - was he a band, or an orchestra conductor?"

Tenors

I'd like to donate to your theater, but

Angel playing music

Mexican angels.

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'Fortunately, the Almighty is compassionate, kind, understanding, and hopefully tone deaf.'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

A saxophone player reads music that says, 'Dade, dade, dade, dade, dade, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' with the eeeeeeees falling off the music stand onto the floor.

Ventriloquist Audition

Headstone reading 'Only Sleeping'.

This Space Available.