Cholesterol Humorist Pillows

'The bad cholesterol molecules are the ones with scars and eye patches.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Lactose Intolerant

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"Gesundheit!"

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'

My Dream Valentine

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

I hope you don't mind them - This is a teaching animal hospital.