Chit-chat Cynics Gifts

"It's been a perfectly wonderful date...let's not spoil it by talking to each other."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"With great power comes great reward."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

Suggestions Get Shredded.

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

Black Friday

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

A Diverse Cabinet That Looks Like America

Social media and privacy

"Today the House Intelligence committee began its investigation of the FBI's investigation of the House Intelligence Committees investigation of the FBI..."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"Listen, pal! I didn't spend seven million bucks to get here so I could yield the floor to you."

"There's a customer-satisfaction questionnaire for you to fill out and for us to not look at and immediately throw away."

'Psst, Senator, not that one -- that's your HIDDEN agenda!'

'Let's face it, we're nothing but a puppet government.'

No more bribes - today.

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"The only reason I would take a job in government is to write a tell-all book!"

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

'I suffer. What do you do?'

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

Monday Checklist.

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

Why Physics and Politics Don't Mix