Chit-chat Cynics Gifts

"It's been a perfectly wonderful date...let's not spoil it by talking to each other."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I'm still employed, but to save on utility costs, they offshored me.'

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"With great power comes great reward."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

Suggestions Get Shredded.

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

Social media and privacy

"Today the House Intelligence committee began its investigation of the FBI's investigation of the House Intelligence Committees investigation of the FBI..."

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"Listen, pal! I didn't spend seven million bucks to get here so I could yield the floor to you."

'Let's face it, we're nothing but a puppet government.'

'Psst, Senator, not that one -- that's your HIDDEN agenda!'

"There's a customer-satisfaction questionnaire for you to fill out and for us to not look at and immediately throw away."

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

No more bribes - today.

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

"The only reason I would take a job in government is to write a tell-all book!"

'I suffer. What do you do?'

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

Monday Checklist.

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

The Three Branches of Government