Chimney Connoisseur Gifts

Christmas card access

Instructional guide to scribbling

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

Origami horse leaping out of a book about origami

"1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood"

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

Whittler's Mother.

'I'm sorry, but I don't know anything about external combustion engines.'

Posh Easter Egg

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

Crane fishing

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

Man-made vs dog-made

About the potter.

Santa Claus Poops on the Chimney of the world.

"The door-to-door sales rep was very persuasive, but in my defense he only sold me one."

Daniel Day Lewis & George Glasgow

"No, we're looking for a roofer, not a woofer."

'The spheres keep rolling away, Your Majesty -- how about we just build a pyramid?'

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

'It's a good building contract legally, but your jargon's weak.'

'After sinking all our money into our website, we couldn't afford to finish our building.'

'It's self cleaning, and runs on natural gas.'

'Look dear - the first skip of spring...'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

"It needs a dash of gravel, I reckon."

'Best bit of winter pipe lagging I've seen for ages...unfortunately, that's just the scaffolding.'

Bagging the Chipmunk

Build bridges, not walls. Unless it's housing. Then it's better to build walls.

'Joe makes all our own funiture!'

'Isn't it great?!'

Building getting a new coat fitted

'It's going to be a new TV station.'