Childhood Development Gifts

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

"Use Your Inside Scream"

"I need to pee but I'm afraid to go alone."

'Sitting here quietly like this helps bring back lots of repressed childhood memories.'

'Their daughter plays the violin.'

"I wonder if I should ask him to play."

'I have kindergarten burnout!'

'Today in Tactile Effusions Class we are going to pop the bubbles in this packing material.'

'All of a sudden all they care about is boys...and make-up.'

'In future I'll stick to fighting with boys.'

'My mom told me that I was so surprised when I was born that I didn't talk for a year and a half.'

"I can't wait to start growing limbs so that I can use a tablet...'

'Nappies are so last year.'

'Cleanliness is next to...impossible.'

"Believe me, son, you'll grow up fast enough. . . you don't need to check your height EVERY DAY!"

'I'm not going to use it for anything...I just want to see what it's like to be taller!'

'Aw Mom! It's so boring between here and the car!'

"Do you think our son is growing up too fast?"

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

"It's really dark in there ."

"Sure, potty training is your ticket into society, but you lose the primeval freedom of diapers."

Baby Screen Time

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"When I was your age, I'd mastered repression."

"His first words were 'Been there, done that.' "

"I don't have the heart to tell him what's going on with today's art market."

"There's my very first school - where I learned how to hug."

"They're trying to figure out whether it's a chemical thing or I'm just a crybaby."

Baby's first horror movies

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"This gives me the inner fulfillment I could never achieve through dodgeball."

"You'll probably need dentures. I hear you lose all your baby teeth."

"Where did I come from?"

"It takes a few days for them to detox from screens."