Childhood Banter Pillows

'How can one person do so many stupid things?'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

Heart To Heart

"Instead of a bedtime story, how about strapping a bottle rocket to your doll and setting it off in your little brother’s room?" "Brad was a terrible father."

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

"Has your mother called yet on the international situation?"

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

'Tell the doctor that I'm too sick to see him.'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"I think our daughter got her brains from me."

Baby Going to Toilet on Father.

That's right: Not only are we 'Man's best friend', but a lot of people are allergic to cats...

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

"My mom still makes all my clothes by hand."

'We were playing doctor until she hit me with a malpractice suit!'

"Ever notice that you finish my sentences and. . ."

"I felt the Earth Move!"

"I don't see why I have to learn this stuff! It's knowledge I'll never need! As long as you're here to translate for me."

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"

"Oh yeah... well I say my kid is better at math and social studies than your kid!"

"Just be aware, once you go upright there's no going back."