Childhood Banter Pillows

'How can one person do so many stupid things?'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'Who ever came up with the idea that throwing up is fun?'

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

"Instead of a bedtime story, how about strapping a bottle rocket to your doll and setting it off in your little brother’s room?" "Brad was a terrible father."

Heart To Heart

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

What will be the worst part about your first semester of college being online classes only? My little brother will be my freshman year roommate!

"My drone strikes are successful, Sir, but I keep getting trash talk from a 15 year old in Montana."

"Has your mother called yet on the international situation?"

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

CCTV? Good grief, what do they think I'm going to vandalise in here??

'Tell the doctor that I'm too sick to see him.'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"I think our daughter got her brains from me."

That's right: Not only are we 'Man's best friend', but a lot of people are allergic to cats...

"Don't worry, and don't listen to your brother! You can't really smell fear: it's just an expression..."

Baby Going to Toilet on Father.

Ok, who told him to stick his tongue on the iceberg?

"My mom still makes all my clothes by hand."

'We were playing doctor until she hit me with a malpractice suit!'

"I don't see why I have to learn this stuff! It's knowledge I'll never need! As long as you're here to translate for me."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, BOO! Did I scare you? Regards, Rick in Seattle. (Actual reader letter). Ask Sadie at asksadieshow@gmail.com. Yeah, I'm really scared. Aren't you, Rudy? Boo, Rudy! Boooooo! That, however, terrifies me. Sorry, you were saying? Some guy tweeted his breakfast menu.(This cartoon was originally published on 2014-07-07)

"Ever notice that you finish my sentences and. . ."

I know you are, but what am I? Huh? Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. I'm ready for the return of school. My mom says you're just jealous.

When I'm a famous actress, you'll be jealous. Wrong. I can't wait to see you in the movies. It's nice that you can enjoy my glamorous success. Or�Enjoy watching you get punched out like the girls in all the action flicks. Great. Hollywood takes over where little brother leave off.

I need advice and if you ever tall anyone I asked, you're dead. Go ahead. People aren't taking me seriously. When I insult them, they don't seem that bothered. They don't cry or run away like they used to. C'mon, you're plenty offensive. Don't patronize me you @#$% meathead. Wow. Didn't bother me a bit.

"I felt the Earth Move!"

"If I were your big sister, I'd show you how to act right!"

"Vegetarian" is such a predictable phase. You'll grow out of it. Teddy? A word please. Come on, dad! You know I'm right. You may be. But your sister is stubborn. She digs in her heels. So? You added 5 years to her predictable vegetarian phase. I didn't predict that. Best colleges for Vegetarians.

"Just be aware, once you go upright there's no going back."

Teddy Tree is trying out for lacrosse. LOL! No way! That spazoid nerd? Hey! No one disses my little brother! Ok. Ok! Sorry! That's my job.