Childcare Jokester Pillows

'Let the nanny do it!'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

'Doorbell. Must be the sitter.'

Dad Trophies

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

Therapy for babies.

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'She said her first words today.'

'Take a letter,'

'Did you find any clothes?'

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

Count Alucard's Night-Care Center.

"When I said change the baby, I meant his diapers!"

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

Possible Titles For My Upcoming Autobiography

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'

'My first solids. Do breasts get jealous?'

"I wasn't dead yet."

'No! Not the second pair of gloves...'

'Nope.'

"Day 1: Back in the carrier."

"I can't continue working these hours...I feel as though I'm missing Michael's childhood...." "His name's Mark!"

'I am transferring to another day-care center. I am not getting enough playing time.'

Early Gurning Centre