Childcare Jokester Pillows

'Let the nanny do it!'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

Dad Trophies

'Doorbell. Must be the sitter.'

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'Take two and call me from the Emergency room.'

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'Could you stay out of the room for awhile, Nurse? -- Every time you walk in here, his testosterone levels surge.'

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

Therapy for babies.

'She said her first words today.'

I'd like to donate to your theater, but

'Take a letter,'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

'Did you find any clothes?'

Pharmaco. He writes drug side effect warnings. Ah, a health scare provider.

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

"Next time you give CPR try not to use your tongue."

'So did you want the ectomy, or just the otomy?'

'You'd better stick with blurry eyes, anxiety attacks and hallucinations, because he drug prescription, I'd give,shows even greater side effects!'

Possible Titles For My Upcoming Autobiography

"When I said change the baby, I meant his diapers!"

Count Alucard's Night-Care Center.

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'I don't need a bed pan, but an oil pan would be nice.'

'My first solids. Do breasts get jealous?'

'No! Not the second pair of gloves...'

"I wasn't dead yet."

'Nope.'

"Day 1: Back in the carrier."

"I can't continue working these hours...I feel as though I'm missing Michael's childhood...." "His name's Mark!"

'I am transferring to another day-care center. I am not getting enough playing time.'