Child To Parent Pillows

'You'll never lose this tie mom and I got you for this Father's Day because it glows in the dark.'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

Boy on father's knee

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

Young Godzilla.

"Bah! in my day bands knew how to play their computers properly. Like Kraftwerk"

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

'Dad, try to catch some jellyfish to go with my peanut butter.'

'It's all right with me if you go out, but you'll have to file a flight plan with your father.'

A woman carrying a child carrying a teddy bear

A Toxic-Waste-Think-Tank With Toxic-Thoughts.

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."

"Lately, I've begun to understand - and forgive - my parents."

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

The swamp of adolescence

Sweets

"Stickers, fairy tattoos, a coloring book ... but no, Mom, I'm not seeing any stretch-mark cream in the goody bag."

Teaching kids to count is fine - teaching kids what counts is best.

"The second I turn 16 I'm joining a conservative political party and then I'll be able to do whatever I want!"

"What's it to be Dad? Two quid or Handels water music in G flat?"

"My teacher noticed you weren't at parent teacher night. She wanted to ask you why I never take an interest in anything."

'Pick up your feet when you walk.'

'I've got to have a talk with my mother. She thinks the stork brought me.'

'A cow is called 'productive livestock' because it gives milk. Parents are productive livestock, too, because they give pocket money.'

"Son, your mother and I agree – it's time for you to leave the hat."

"You call that a made bed?"

Naive.

'Young man, face it. There's not going to be a regime change around here!'

"There's a lesson here, son. Being rich doesn't stop it from raining,"

'I see by your resume that you are my son. If this checks out, the job is yours.'

Modern Painting by Numbers

"I only get them to please my dad."