Child's School Year Gifts

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

Kid at bus stop to kid: 'Needless to say, I cured my Mom of her home-schooling kick.'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

'X is unknown? Even to somebody with all your education?'

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

'This has been a drill. Had this been an actual test you would have been instructed...'

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

'It was bound to happen - they're beginning to think like binary computers.'

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

'When I asked you to do research for your assignment, I meant the library not on Google!'

Evil Exams!

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

'An essay on what I did last summer? -- I was hoping to let all that stuff blow over.'

"Do you think that will count as our 'Fifteen minutes of fame'?"

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

"Today in school we learned how to glue!"

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"I learned how to shop online, mommy. If you see a series of tractor trailers arrive, it's just the rest of the stuff I ordered."

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

I love PE.

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

'But I did study. I guess the software didn't install successfully.'

"According to my calculations...school starts in exactly 20 days!"

"Finally...school starts next week."

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

'An actual History lesson is set for June...'

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

"There's my very first school - where I learned how to hug."

The Month of August

'Don't just stand there, get into focus!'

"Ah, bless. His first day at school."