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The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack For Mayor

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Haircuts

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

SAGE mentality

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Rock and a Hard Place

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

"Rudy has asked me to apologize, on his behalf, for your being offended..."

Icarus, you are not flying anywhere until you put on some sunscreen.

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

Half a house is better than none.

"Our rule of thumb is: 'Keep it complicated' - so no one will understand how we choose a candidate."

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

"Do that again, but cuter."

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

'Taking bribes is understandable, Senator, but you really shouldn't keep billing records.'

The Election Strategy

"Some of it is soft and some of it is hard, but the main thing is that all of it is money."

"I always forget. Is this the day we spin ahead one hour?"

StRATegist: Dominic Cummings

"Find out what the people want so I can tell it like it is."

Another Rogue Trader

Voting in the UK

'He's trying to fine-tune the economy again.'

Warring parents

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

'I wouldn't put much faith into Senator Bludgeon's promise to immediately begin investigating the competition. After all, it takes 30 days just to make instant coffee in the Senate.'

'I believe in you, Jeffrey, and I believe in Al Gore.'