Child's Play Advisor T-Shirts

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Haircuts

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

SAGE mentality

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Rock and a Hard Place

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Rudy has asked me to apologize, on his behalf, for your being offended..."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

'But, Mom, being good just doesn't work for me.'

Half a house is better than none.

"Our rule of thumb is: 'Keep it complicated' - so no one will understand how we choose a candidate."

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

"Do that again, but cuter."

"Some of it is soft and some of it is hard, but the main thing is that all of it is money."

The Election Strategy

'Taking bribes is understandable, Senator, but you really shouldn't keep billing records.'

'I wouldn't put much faith into Senator Bludgeon's promise to immediately begin investigating the competition. After all, it takes 30 days just to make instant coffee in the Senate.'

Obama: Problems causing instability.

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

Voting in the UK

'I believe in you, Jeffrey, and I believe in Al Gore.'

"I always forget. Is this the day we spin ahead one hour?"

'He's trying to fine-tune the economy again.'

StRATegist: Dominic Cummings

Warring parents