Child's Growing Up Pillows

'Soon he will stop asking where he came from and start telling you where he is going.'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"It takes a few days for them to detox from screens."

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

Baby Screen Time

'Their daughter plays the violin.'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

One!

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

'Isn't it time you started thinking about cars instead of horsie rides?'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

'Dad, I know all about the birds and the bees; explain stock-swaps and derivatives.'

Origins Of Evolution

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son - Just enjoy being a mostaccioli while it lasts.

"You used to be a lot more fun."

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

'I can change! I swear!'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

"You give the tooth fairy your teeth, and she gives you some money. It's called reverse mortgage."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"There's my very first school - where I learned how to hug."

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'