Child Rearing Gifts

"I thought we had the sort of relationship where 'please' and 'thank you' were implicit."

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

'I've tried raising my son with patience, honesty and manners, but he still grew up like his dad.'

"I never discuss my clients with their mothers."

"I yearn for human isolation,"

''D' is for 'Despair'; 'E' is for 'Exhaustion'.'

Thank you for not smacking

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

"You can't judge my parenting skills by what you see in the lobby."

"You're growing up so fast..."

Toilet Training

'That's far enough for this year.'

"Are we going yet?... Are we going yet?..."

'Get your hands out of your pocket!'

The Snowman of Eternal Damnation

'Darling, you remember that unbreakable toy we bought him? He's used it to break all the others...'

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

'If your performance continues to deteriorate, your mother and I will be forced to post your position.'

'In the future, if we're a little late with your allowance, don't just automatically turn it over to a collection agency.'

"I miss helicopter parenting."

"Before committing to free-range, we though we'd ease in slowly with cage-free parenting."

"Some women to see you, Anne."

"Looks like this fellow you came across could be bigger than we thought!"

"I haven't been in a playpen yet that could hold me."

Teach Love

"I'll go in and look at stuff, but I won't read any signage."

"Whoa, whoa, big guy with all your ‘meaning of life’ mumbo jumbo—I just want my kid to pick up her room."

"Remember what we said about letting her find out for herself that she's making a huge mistake she'll regret for the rest of her life."

"Santa Claus is no longer part of my belief system."

"PG my ass!"

"Of course I'm allowed to jump on the bed as long as I'm wearing my bed-jumping helmet."

"School's out- academic summer camp is in."

"She has her mother's management style."

"You've had your talk with him? I sense a new maturity."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"