Child Reaching Adolescence Gifts

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

"Our little girl is growing up - this very morning she told me she hates me."

'Teenagers!'

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

It's a radical new development, a text novel for the text generation

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

'Isn't it time you started thinking about cars instead of horsie rides?'

"Allowance?! Yeah, if you take out the trash, I'll allow you to keep living here."

"Wings will be cool, I guess, but I'm mostly hoping the braces and pimples fall off."

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'Beware of the teenager.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

Teenage Angst.

'Dad, can I borrow the club tonight?'

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

Spring Break.

'I'm banging out some bitchin' bleats!'

Honour Being Served 'Apps at Dawn'.

'We've created a teenager!'

"My name is Van Gelsing, Madame. I'm an expert in cleaning teenagers' rooms. If you need me, just give me a call, okay?"

"Yes, we're supposed to sing, but not Rap!"

'Not till you're sixteen.'

I'd like to request a transfer to a household offering a higher allowance and fewer choices.

"So this is what you do all day on your cell phone? Punching in letters...one by one...sending dirty messages to your friends?"

"I don't know...but it seems like nothing ever changes around here. It's like we've been 15 years old forever!"

We're not picking you up from field hockey. Take the late bus. Ok then. I'll get home at 8:30, miss dinner and have no time to study. I'll fail my classes, never get a job and live the rest of my life with you. Not true! You have a bright future as an extortionist. Or soap opera star!

Pubertry

'I'm sorry, but I haven't understood a word you've babbled since I turned left on red.'