Child Mischief Expert Pillows

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

Only a penny! A sensible and ingenious toy for children.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Hey, Jeffrey...I've got a physics question for you...The queen of static electricity is exempt! Hail me!!'

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a sugar buzz.'

'Casey laughed so hard at lunch milk came out his nose...or as we say now... he had a liquid food malfunction.'

It's sure been easier to mess around at work since we decided to bell the boss.

"I didn't say he was housebroken. I said he broke up the house."

'Gee, mom, how DID that happen? Maybe we better Google it!'

'The doctor is ready to see you, Teddy...Bring your handler!'

You put sparkling water in the WHAT?

Dog reaching over top of counter to steal cookies.

"It's a note from Eddie's teacher. It seems he's stretched his imagination past the end of her rope."

'Grandma says she has the perfect wrestler nickname for me. What does Tiny Terror mean?'

"Just think, in dog years we'd be old enough to know better!"

'It's great to be a ventriloquist. I find that I can still talk in class, but I don't get in trouble.'

"As you can see, we allowed you to bring your cell phones; however, this is hell, so even local calls will be charged as roaming."

Why is your two-year old so quiet?

Urine sample

"You must be the Pastor's kid I have heard so much about."

'I just got off the phone with your teacher. Next time you tell her you're from a 'broken home' don't forget to mention who broke most of it!'

'I keep getting leadership mixed up with incitement.'

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

By the way, my foot's asleep. So, I guess an unscrupulous woman who wanted to play footsie with me could pretty much get away with murder right now. !

'Boy, when I get tall you'll have to put all of the breakable stuff really high.'

"Wait, you've never tried destroying a sofa?!" "Dude, it's so much fun, and harmless." "You've tried catnip, right? Oh, but tons! You have to!" "Cat peer pressure"

"It didn't work -- My imaginary playmate refused to take the rap."

'Mom, Jason is making negative robocalls about me!'

'Hey, Mom! -- You want to hear a dirty story?'

Two boys pulling faces