Child Development Detective Pillows

'I read all the parenting books, but you always manage to stay one step ahead of me!'

"They grow up so fast."

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Children's education

"He talks the talk."

"He won't eat anything but corn."

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

Baby's First Words... Hi Guys!

Toilet Training

"They grow up so quickly. It seems like only yesterday that he was in the third grade. Wait, it was yesterday!"

'I need affordable daycare now!'

'I'm not sure if he plays that loud because he has a good set of lungs or if it's a mean streak in him.'

'A mother complex! Are you sure?'

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

"My special power is supervision."

Proud mums.

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

Cut-Rate Think Tanks - Now available for hire.

Child development.

Child Development: 'He's developing just fine, those babies in the commercials aren't really talking.'

"I would share, but I'm not there developmentally."

'I'm worried: He still can't balance a ball on his nose...'

"I won't do the 'What I did on my summer vacation' assignment. I consider it a privacy issue."

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'

'I wouldn't worry. At that age they put everything in their mouths.'

'Soon he will stop asking where he came from and start telling you where he is going.'

CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, 'He wants to be a cop!'

"He's very smart. We just need to work on his focus."

"If Heather has two mommies, and each of them has two brothers, and one of those brothers has another man for a 'roommate,' how many uncles does Heather have?"

Head Start Nursery.

"At what age can we expect him to understand digital technology?"

'She has great communication skills.'

"He's at that annoying age where they're always testing you."

'Kenny,your mother and I have decided it's time you knew the truth - you're adopted.'