Cheval Champion Pillows

'I could have won, but my jockey kept pulling me back: Something fishy went on in that race!'

'Henderson always walks away with the neighborhood pumpkin carving contest.'

"Don’t worry, girl. I’m working on our ‘no puppy left behind.’"

A man playing guitar beneath a balcony with his hat ready for cash

''Pet of the Year', That's me!'

"I've got a pulse!"

'Stop gritting your teeth!'

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

Beating Dad at Chess.

"Looks like Dad has finally given up on trying to beat us at chess."

Funky Facts:Schools.

'Well, if I have rights, I demand the right not to be neutered!'

"Hey! Wait a minute! We can't reach the doorbells!"

Playing catch with dog until your arm gives out.

'1875 - Captain Matthew Webb becomes the first man to swim the English Channel.'

"I'm from PETA. I have a report you are beating a dead horse."

"Checkmate....I win again, I thought that you Dolphins were supposed to be intelligent!"

'I'm doing a 'Win a Date with a Computer Geek' contest on my website.'

The First Tattoo

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

'Wow, Frank - he nailed it!'

'I don't regard hunting as a sport.' 'Neither do I!'

"I hate playing with pros!"

'We've won a free trip to the mountains.'

Drug testing for Tour de France.

"You might like my daughter. She's single and desperate too."

'Me? Actually I'm a writer. . . Well, er, at the moment it's mainly job applications.'

Man plays chess against TV.

'I hate Mondays!'

"I'm 14 and I've still got all my own teeth"

'He's my best friend. Pathetic, isn't it?'

Winners: 100 yard automobile chase.