Cherry-picking Critic Pillows

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

"I finally got my wife to read my manuscript. She said the main character was a sleazebag devoid of a moral compass. It's an autobiography."

Mom's Mortuary

"Med Brittle"

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

'Forget the artwork who made the martinis?!'

Plug: ' OHHH, Baby Baby.'

"I got horse dewormer..."

"Do I have to eat the cherry?"

Candy Land for Adults

"Let's see if there's another witch's cottage with a better candy selection."

"If art was meant to be understood by the common man then the common man would have a degree in art appreciation."

"You forgot his tail."

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

"I like the Pasteurs, but my goodness – boiled tomato juice, boiled fish with boiled lettuce, boiled bread, boiled salad..."

"They see you when you're sleeping - They know when you're awake..."

"Our house wine is abominable."

'I hate chocolates that are gooey inside but I love Valentine's cards that are all gooey inside.'

Two kids caught playing dots & boxes on a Damien Hirst painting, spelling the word 'so-so'.

Trump in Disappointing Halloween Candy

"You might try the Trout Almandine - it's just swimming in credit card debt."

"Pretty sure that braid came from a crafts store."

"Are these beautiful? I can't ever tell?"

"Can I return this, please? You sold me a chic-lit-rom-com, and I distinctly remember asking for a plain chic-lit."

"It was a lousy Halloween haul. I didn't have to go for even one dental checkup."

Sue Gray Report

"You don't have to worry about my teeth. Bucky Sims talked me out of my candy."

'Do we want a box of raisins? Mister, this is Halloween, not audition night at the comedy club!'

Greengrocer selling rotten fruit for a political rally.