Chemical Punster Pillows

Molecules You Ought To Be Aware of:

Standup Chemist: 'So he comes back into the room, he turns around, he puts the chicken on the table and he says, 'all right, potassium chloride'.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Sweep the board.

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'Iguana know what time it is.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

Dog Walker

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

Kamikaze Colour