Chemical Punster Pillows

Molecules You Ought To Be Aware of:

Standup Chemist: 'So he comes back into the room, he turns around, he puts the chicken on the table and he says, 'all right, potassium chloride'.'

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Sweep the board.

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'Iguana know what time it is.'

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

Dog Walker

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

Pet Cemetery.

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."