Cheese Maestro T-Shirts

'Embarrassing me won't get you out of 'fondue night' Harold!'

Jack of all trades

On August 14, 2011 at app. 2:00 p, Derek Winslow made scientific history by converting an item of the animal kingdom into an item of the plant kingdom.

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'I'm going to make a batch of my ginger biscuits.'

"He's such a fussy eater."

Burnt or Raw?

A Tit for Tat.

"I'd like to toast our guests."

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

Quartet of chefs.

'Something new for Sunday lunch today - Corned-beef sandwiches!'

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

Patissier

Onion Tears

'How do you like your steaks? Scorched, burnt or cremated?'

A butcher and his apprentice.

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

'We're going to look pretty stupid if it's not a Michelin star.'

Pig and chicken asking for milk from cow, who replies: 'Sorry, I already gave at the office.'

Timmy Works with His Pet Cow

"Stilton's the king, Camembert and chèvre are landed gentry, and cheddars are the serfs, you know."

Spatula Conductor

Emeril John Lagassé III caricature

Artistic Licence.

Pollsters

'The chef says sorry but he doesn't do rare.'

'Where are the kids?'

'Are you trying to tell me that neither of you get penalty rates for the 2 a.m feed?'

Nuclear Families

Nest building

'Admit it. I just blew your mind

Mr. Pinch and Ruth unconscious of a visitor

"Yes, you could have cooked it, but you didn't."