Cheeky Santa Smiler Gifts

"I think our algorithm MAY have a few glitches...he was in the 'nice' list!"

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'Your shoe's untied.'

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

'Would it make a difference if I told you I was listening to book on audio?'

Sticking out tongue

Justice for a heckler.

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

'Big Issue!'

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

Having noticed a hot-looking security woman, Mort quickly penned a note and stuck it in his briefcase.

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

"Your dump or mine..?"

'He's using a cheat sheet, ump! Can he do that?'

'My dad is a CEO - don't trust him!'

"How about after nightime meds you come to my room for some Netflix and chill."

'Dinner was taking too long, so I just went ahead and ordered pizza.'

"Hey! Are you staring at my assets?!"

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

'It the thought that counts.'

"You have a mask?"

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

Are you a good little girl or boy If not, REPENT today: 'November and December,,,I'm Santa at Macys,'

"We lost Mr. Speak No Evil when he became a blogger."

Clean Fill Wanted

Happy Spring!

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

Classic SM.

"By breaking the seal on this dress, you accept the terms and conditions printed on my panties."

'Have you a moment sir?...A: Yes; B: No; or C: Naff off?'