Cheapskate King Pillows

'Okay, we'll meet six sharp, at the rail yard!'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Counting my Bonus...

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"Is that neat whisky?"

"We could have a Do-It-Yourself wedding! Your friends could do the cake and flowers, Uncle Jim could do the photos..."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

'Maybe I should change this thing more often...'

'Sharing the petrol costs didn't bother me, but I resent having to pay half for the condoms!'

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

Sod orf, midges...

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?"

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

"No luggage."

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"

Thrift: Have a face-lift, and keep the old face.

'We decided to give you cash for your birthday, so please give me a receipt.'

"I'm maybe not the real Santa, but I'm the only Santa who would do it for the money your dad was willing to pay for the job!"

"Hello, Mari...we brought you some flowers. No, they're not real... I thought artificial ones would last longer."

"What are we actually celebrating here tonight?"

Thrift: 'Collect a smaller child than your own from school... It eats less and fits the old clothes of the previous child.'

'Whatever they're hitting we're ready for them.'

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"

Seductive lines that just don't cut it.

'After you. So courteous, he always lets me in first, so I have to buy the first round.'

"Oh, that's my Uncle Walter. He wanted his head cryogenically frozen, but it was way too expensive!"

"My computer isn't working again! I regret paying the full $5 for it at the garage sale."