Charitable Critic Gifts

"I'd like to get back to doing less for charity."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'That's our mission statement.'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

Someone needs to tell him that having Churchillian leadership skills requires more than a 10'' havana

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

Achiever: An illustration of how many thoughts she can have in a split second, while still listening to him.

"The only good news this year, gentlemen, is our massive bonuses."

ANOTHER FINE MESS, INC.

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."