Charity Critic Gifts

"I'd be very happy to give if I could be confident the money was spent well!"

"Your generous contribution helps fund these solicitations."

Man with nail bed giving nails to beggar.

Talk of charities 'providing their impact' is dangerous and misleading.

"I won't be donating my tech billions to this school."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'That's our mission statement.'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

Someone needs to tell him that having Churchillian leadership skills requires more than a 10'' havana