Charity Critic Gifts

"I'd be very happy to give if I could be confident the money was spent well!"

"Your generous contribution helps fund these solicitations."

Man with nail bed giving nails to beggar.

Talk of charities 'providing their impact' is dangerous and misleading.

"I won't be donating my tech billions to this school."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'That's our mission statement.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"Gee, thanks pal."

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

"He says he wants to see the actual brick he donated."

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."