Chanukah Celebrant Gifts

Fire Marshall Chanukah

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

Grace For Flies

"We only got six days of funding."

Night of the Latkes

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Moses' Tablet

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

Oymoticons

Boy and Bear and Monster

"We must rise up and claim our rightful place at the table of society! We must never rest until we are given the respect and dignity we deserve! Chica power!"

A surprise in heaven

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

Jewish Geometry

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Ten Commandments

'Minyan Man! You've saved the day again!'

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Moses as a child.

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

"Have your people call my people."

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

"We fear no more for today is our Independence Day!"

Christmas sweater alternatives

'...And now, for today's Top Ten Commandments ...'