Champion Of The Unspoiled Gifts

"This whale used to be unspoiled by tourism."

'I won't bother to bath Mum, we're playing again tomorrow!'

"Shoot it? Shoot it? I don't even know which end of the darn thing to aim at it!"

Amputee watches wealthy man who has a spare set of legs.

'The ranch-style house is for our wiener dog.'

Solar-Powered Catnap

"When I finally got my own car, I never drove over the speed limit."

"Today a protest at the White House..."

"You need a haircut and a shave."

'You have to go where the market takes you.'

"Sure I won the spelling bee contest, but since everyone has spell check, no one cares!"

"Well, I guess that settles that."

'Another day, another dollar.'

"Oh, quit looking so uncomfortable! It's a pool party! You can't wear a cape and formal wear to a pool party."

'I'm warning you! I have friends in high places.' 'They're climbing Ben Nevis.'

"Being a doctor really ages you - that was me three years and 4,217 prior authorizations ago."

"Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato—how can I help you?"

'Where is this so called 'wild man' of yours, then?'

'Cooking, it's rocket science...'

'Lots of people have longer commutes than you.'

Get home. No one there. Oh, the joy of the house to myself!

'I don't know what it is, but if Ben's afraid of it, a shotgun won't do you any good!'

"No, not a cat...a plastic bag."

Medusa trying to buy hair care products.

'Get with it, Ralph! Trophies are meaningless, when everyone gets one!'

Sardines

Working class woman with a black eye in the witness box

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much ..."

"My wife has a black belt in cooking, she can kill a man with a single chop."

'I couldn't spell anything but trouble.'

Fear, Grief, Support

"Racked with guilt, eh, J.B.?"