Champion Of Nerves Pillows

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

Worker Rights and the Smoking Ban

Bluewater security man stopping baby with hood.

"Shoot it? Shoot it? I don't even know which end of the darn thing to aim at it!"

Amputee watches wealthy man who has a spare set of legs.

Woman colouring man's clothes with crayon.

Procrastinator's Leap.

Another entry from the encyclopedia of gaming: Pixel sprain - any physical injury incurred from intense video game play.

"Youngsters these days are spoilt,apart from the triple-bypass,five divorces,4 estranged children and cirrhosis working 80 hours a week never did me any harm."

'The games console has saved us a fortune in holidays. We told him we were seeing the pyramids but we were actually in Skegness. He didn't notice.'

"I hope you're not nervous."

"You might like my daughter. She's single and desperate too."

LGBTQ is unfair to...

"Baldo, when's the last time you read a book?"

Get home. No one there. Oh, the joy of the house to myself!

"Zzz."

Bad eskimo child.

The Statue of Liberty rescues people stuck in the shadow of the deportation force.

'I don't like needles: You'll catch me if I faint, won't you doc?'

'I used to be called a sensitive man... now I'm just called a gay man.'

'His sister beat him playing a video game.'

"I know I told you monsters weren't real, son, but the one under your bed happens to be very real."

Sardines

"I have to throw out my white noise machine - it keeps insisting 'All Lives Matter' and trying to call the cops on the neighbors."

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much ..."

A Day In The Life Of... Deflector Man

Working class woman with a black eye in the witness box

Can't sleep?

"With this film, I finally enter the front ranks of American moviegoers."

Full-Figure Skater

'You can always tell when Granny has had a good day playing bingo.'