Ceremony Cynics Pillows

'Congratulations, and this is a complaint and summons on your defaulted student loans.'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Graduates on their phones

'No, but thanks for asking,'

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

'What, They're comfortable.'

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

'Charles Frederick and Camilla Gladys!'

Double Wedding

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

Marriage Returns

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

Christening

"I now pronounce you guilty."

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

RETIREMENT VOWS

'...I now pronounce you man and wife. You may assume the position.'

Rolling the red carpet before and after the important man

Mayor Gojo presents a keycard to the city to celebrity.

Corrupted Politicians

Swearing a Child.

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: CLEAN UNDERWEAR

"Here, try this on." "But mom, everyone's wearing three ply. I'll be a freak."

"No, of course I don't want you to catch a nasty cold but..."

'Could I borrow your giant scissors for a minute? I cancelled payment on this giant check and I need to cut it up.'

A bit of serious pantomime. - A message from the Lords.

"I do if she does."

'Will you love, honour, and share custody of the remote control so long as you both shall live?'

Snowboy becomes a Snowman.