Ceremony Cynics Pillows

'Congratulations, and this is a complaint and summons on your defaulted student loans.'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

'What, They're comfortable.'

Double Wedding

"You may now kiss the... Oh, I see you have already done that!"

'Charles Frederick and Camilla Gladys!'

"This is all so ARBITRARY!"

Industry and Idleness - The industrious apprentice performing the duty of a Christian.

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

Marriage Returns

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

"I now pronounce you guilty."

'No, the answer is: d ) All of the above.'

Christening

RETIREMENT VOWS

'...I now pronounce you man and wife. You may assume the position.'

Rolling the red carpet before and after the important man

Mayor Gojo presents a keycard to the city to celebrity.

'Could I borrow your giant scissors for a minute? I cancelled payment on this giant check and I need to cut it up.'

"No, of course I don't want you to catch a nasty cold but..."

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: CLEAN UNDERWEAR

Corrupted Politicians

Swearing a Child.

A bit of serious pantomime. - A message from the Lords.

"Here, try this on." "But mom, everyone's wearing three ply. I'll be a freak."

"I do if she does."

'Will you love, honour, and share custody of the remote control so long as you both shall live?'

Snowboy becomes a Snowman.

"I can marry you, but I can't trial-marry you."