Ceo Satire Collector Pillows

Funny, this is the same pill the head of the price-gouging drug company needs to take so he can sleep at night, too. Pharmac …

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

Water company bonus.

'The reorganisation is moving along. Here comes the new honcho now.'

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

Big Fish Packing Co - Our Flounder.

'He's a good listener, but only to the sound of his own voice.'

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"You're hired!"

News for Sale

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

"People, the facts are inescapable. Any ideas on how we can ignore them?"

'Once again you have exceeded my expectations.'

'I appreciate recognition...but pats on the head are demeaning.'

"This just in! Due to downsizing, the mega-merger of Consolidated Industries and Humungous Corporation has been changed to a simple bankruptcy."

'I know it's easy to blame others. That's why I do it.'

"It would appear they worshipped the almighty dollar."

"Barry stop!. . . I'm you! I'm Barry from 2008. I'm using a time machine to stop you from making an awful mistake!"

"My God—I've forgotten the number of my Swiss bank account!"

'It was my unfair dismissal claim cap.'

The Genghis Khan School of Business Skills