Cemetery Humorist Pillows

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'

J. B. Dimwiddle

"Who'd have thought old Harry would turn out to be a vampire?"

'You just don't know when to give up, do you?'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

The game comes first...

Dead Man's Handel

A signaller directing pallbearers

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

"Dearly beloved - We gather today to honor the life of the greatest magician of our time."

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

"His last wish was that we delete his browsing history."

Fisherman Funneral

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

'She was always very proud of her figure.'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

"Pleasant Hill Funeral Home. Free Wi-Fi."

'I think he would have been pleased to know that I got his entire record breaking bungee jump on video.'

O'Leary's Monuments

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

'I thought new home prices had fallen.'

'Why is he always hanging around?'

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'