Cellulite Challenger Pillows

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"My email is down... talk to me."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

Things were going extremely well until last night's chilli reared its ugly head.

'This should soothe any hurt feelings.'

"I must have completely lost track of time."

"You can't just put on the uniform whenever you don't want to have a conversation, Barry."

"Show some appreciation when he comes home: he spends his days in a small cubicle staring at numbers on the screen. He puts up with a lot in order to feed us."

'I'd like to come over, but Mom cleaned my room and it's going to take me all day to put it right again.'

"Amazing! He's been in there for over an hour without his cell phone,laptop or email access and he hasn't even twitched!"

CITY HALL, NO PROBLEM IS TOO BIG OR TOO SMALL., 'Oh, no, your problem isn't too big or too small - it's just too difficult.'

'The company have been very accommodating in allowing him to train in office hours.'

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

"This is doing nothing for my abs."

Laugh, Live, Love, Loathe

'Slow Internet connection! They thought of everything!'

'Sorry, sir, but we don't have a category for that.'

'You're not old enough to refuse to discuss things!'

"It says, 'sorry ... I forgot you're three hours earlier out there'."

"Oh, yeah, tough guy? Well, maybe this is the night I mop up the floor with you."

"I think we need a border fence between Fantasy Land and Sexual-Fantasy Land."

'She says I won't understand her until I've walked a mile in her shoes.'

'I revel in competition. I have two charities, right now, vying for my $50 donation.'

"I'm not going to shovel the walk. I'm cleaning my room."

"I gave at the office!"

Poverty in Tourist Attractions

"Those are my books on tidying up."

'Great news, I've just swum the channel...lenthwise.'

'Go ahead, rub it in!'

'You can add my name to that long list of people who don't understand you!'

'How come you never sweep at home?'

"Oh, shush! You live by Janet Maslin, you're going to die by Janet Maslin."

"Sometimes I wish you had a little green light that would blink on and off like the computer, so I could tell whether you're processing anything or if you've just frozen up."