Cellular Automata Gifts

John von Neumann, after completing his book. 'Theory of Self-Replicating Automata'.

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

Florist. A vase for everything and everything in its vase.

Protoplasm

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

'Dear, when I die, what ever you do, don't donate my body to science.'

'It took some doing, but I finally traced my roots back to the first amoeba.'

If we reproduce fast enough, we'll outnumber everybody and take over the petri dish! Divide and conquer, eh?

'Well it's obvious when we went through mitosis, the brain went to my side!'

'Dr. Fenton discovers a new killer cell.'

Amoeba mitosis Divorce

The Body, Inc. Sounds like a good idea but we should run it by the DNA department first.

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

'A giant killer macrophage! Doctor, this is madness!'

"What the heck!! These cells aren't dividing, they seem to be moving closer together??"

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

"Your father and I thought it was time you knew. You've been genetically engineered."

"Back in Great, Great. . . Grandad's day there was more than enough sunlight for everybody. . ."

'I've willed my body to science when I die.'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'I would join your multi-cellular organism, but I value my independence.'

"No, no, the pyramids are to your left. That thing's a cell tower."

Dog has cellphone. Woman says to man: 'I think he likes you. Look, he wants to swap mobile numbers.'

"I was caught by the VAT man."

"Come on, smile, it's for our food blog..."

"The good news is I rescued your cell phone. However, all your minutes were used up."

'Can you hear me now?'

Soon The Moon Will Have Cellphone Reception Better Than That One Part Of Your Commute

Amoeba: 'Today I'm going to sit down and have a little self-to-self talk about the reproduction process.'

'Hey, rat, most of us use our one call to contact a lawyer, not Crime Stoppers.'

"Psst -- Your mitochondria are showing!"

Robot officer at work

"To be honest, I was little nervous when you insisted on being the one on top."

The Cellular Bulletin Board: 'Bifurcate! Now that I've got your attention.'