Cellphone Users Pillows

"The light is green..."

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"You know, there are other emojis."

'It's one of these new phones that takes photographs.'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

The Predictable Demise of Sir Textalot.

"Dude, I'm losing you in this tunnel."

'Okay, I'm going to make the phone ring just once, and I want you to refrain from picking up. Bite the towel if you have to.

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

"I have an app for that."

Modern Narcissism

Go to settings, sounds, ringtone, whistle, who can hear this, then tap only me.

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

"That vulture just appeared and started picking at my phone. My battery must have died."

"Brat"

"According to this tracking app, he's somewhere between Knick Knack and Paddy Whack."

"Well, at least one of us passed the emoji eye exam..."

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

'Would you stop with the Twitter alerts already? I'm standing right behind you.'

"Can we wrap this up? Our phones need charging."

"What sort of mood are you in, Michael?"

Pizza Delivery Delays

"How does one experience the ultimate selfie? Swallow your cell phone."

"When you said something about a stream, I thought you were talking about video."

"OMG! The PDA was 2 much. I was lol. . . Oh, sorry Daddy, I'm just so use to texting!"

"You know, there are also some people who should never have children, hint hint...."

"The doctor said I've got 'texter's slump'."

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

"Ever since I changed Siri to a male he's been forgetting birthdays and anniversaries."

Evolution

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

He donated his body to social science.

"...and don't fall for that trunk enlargement scam."

Gimme a latte, geek. In a sec. I'm watching the end of a tv show on my new cellphone. Look out, Jack! Didn't you just buy a 50-inch plasma?! Is that a man or a tree?

I told you not to text and spin, Simone.