Celestial Security Enthusiast Pillows

Umm huh....umm huh...just one more security question: what's your mother's maiden name?

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

'Where was the TSA?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

CCTV in church.

Who are the most important people at the World Cup?

The Ayatollah Bomb?

'Let's see what they're screwing up today.'

Biro Security

"Rest assured, anything you say in this office won't get repeated by me."

'This biometric ID badge is part of the new security system. The badge contains my encoded retinal scan, fingerprints, and level of job enthusiasm.'

'Things just haven't been the same around here since people starting saving files in the cloud.'

"If you're my gramma you wouldn't have a problem consenting to a retina scan!"

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Principal McWit, a student without an appointment is here and says he's holding your computer access codes for ransom.'

Weinberg's egregious error would damage his reputation forever, His colleagues would thereafter refer to him as 'the big double dipper,

'Don't worry -- the security camera is for your own protection.'

'Someone is reading our emails. I'm afraid this means we're going to have to talk to each other.'

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

The prime minister: the current threat to national security...

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'Is this a cirrocumulus or what?'

No caption. (An astronomer looks through a high-powered telescope while a baby in a crib looks through a hand-held scope).

'They take patient privacy so seriously around here they encrypt your name!'

'The last thing I said to him was: 'whatever you do, don't look at the sun through this thing'.'

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'Halt! User name and password.'

You are everywhere.

Smile you're on camera! You're also on my podcast!