Celebrity Gossip Guru Gifts

'I was talking to that George Clooney yesterday. He is SUCH a name-dropper.'

Showbiz is tough

At lunch with my unauthorized biographer.

'I'm afraid there's no market for 'Kiss n Tell' these days. We need 'Shag n Tell' at the very least...'

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

'I've been having an affair with Tiger Woods.'

Celebrity Shark Attack.

Drinking with the stars.

Jude Law.

The Polite Inquirer

"Why are you always making Kim Kardashian memes?"

"I'm not sure about this Jennifer Lopez-Ben Affleck marriage. I think she should marry her own kind! You know...not just an actor, but someone who sings, dances and makes clothes just like her!"

"What happened to Enrique Iglesias' cheek mole?"

"I'm afraid you've failed abysmally - but try the football clubs."

Walken On Clouds

"Excuse me, I'm late for my new show 'Lancing With the Stars'."

Trial by media - media by trial

"I saw the most fascinating picture of a celebrity getting a cup of coffee today."

Shot a Video of Hulk Hogan

"Oh no! The media got wind of our affair."

Reference Section: Who's Who, Who's Kaput.

'Lindsey Lohan is in trouble again. We lawyers have a term for her...cash cow.'

Arnold tries his comeback with a remake of Kindergarten Cop.

Russell Brand dating Geri Halliwell.

Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore break up.

'Hello? This is Mister Schwarzenegger's new maid, may I take your message please?'

"They finally kicked her off the show. No more chance sightings of that whiny, griping, complaining, Kate Gosselin!"

'I reckon my blood pressure is raised by looking at all the celeb mags in your waiting rooms.'

'We know you are a serious actress..'

Other comments on the Mel Gibson tape...

'That's right...his appendix...and it's pure dynamite! Don't you see? It'll be the ultimate insider celebrity memoir!'

'They use it for celebrity arrests.'

Special Report from Paris...

Meanwhile in Hollywood

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