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Showbiz is tough

Celebrity Shark Attack.

'I'm afraid there's no market for 'Kiss n Tell' these days. We need 'Shag n Tell' at the very least...'

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

Drinking with the stars.

The Polite Inquirer

At lunch with my unauthorized biographer.

'That's right...his appendix...and it's pure dynamite! Don't you see? It'll be the ultimate insider celebrity memoir!'

'They use it for celebrity arrests.'

'We know you are a serious actress..'

Reference Section: Who's Who, Who's Kaput.

'I reckon my blood pressure is raised by looking at all the celeb mags in your waiting rooms.'

Meanwhile in Hollywood

World exclusive!

"I saw the most fascinating picture of a celebrity getting a cup of coffee today."

Walken On Clouds

"I'm afraid you've failed abysmally - but try the football clubs."

"Excuse me, I'm late for my new show 'Lancing With the Stars'."

"Oh no! The media got wind of our affair."

'We interrupt this program to bring you the latest on the Lindsay Lohan arrest...'

"I'd love to spend more time perusing the alternative media, but then I'd miss out on all those important celebrity stories."

"No kidding? After appearing in a cat food commercial, you signed a sneaker deal?"

'He's in one New Yorker cartoon and suddenly he's hot stuff.'

'They're both great quarterbacks, but I chose Matt as my starter because he's dating a celebrity!'

"Kim Kardashian is trying to break the internet with her butt."

'We've come to invade your privacy.'

'The galaxy explodes in a fiery hellscape... but first, the latest on Linsay Lohan!'

“So let me get this straight: George Clooney isn’t your leader?”

"I understand you've learned some new tricks since you were here last."

Weditorials

"You won't find Miss Miriam Hirschman an easy nut to crack, Mr. Leno."

What's Next for Ed?

Then Cinderella married the Prince and had to learn how to dodge the paparazzi.

Drinking with the stars.

Graham Norton