Celebration Gourmet Gifts

It's not an addiction if you only do it once a year!

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

LAY ZEE FUK

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Too much cilantro

The Main Types of Cheese

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

To do before Saturday...

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Holiday Supplies

Cheese

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

'Is this still America?'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"The bagels are better in New York."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'