Ceiling Dweller Gifts

"sometimes Eric, you are impossible!"

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Ancient Landmarks of New York City

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

The witch of the west again showed no water usage for the month.

'How about a game of cards?'

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

In case of emergency, break glass.

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

Lift buttons read: East Side/West Side/All Around the Town.

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

Fish-tank Skyscraper.

Opening the Barrel

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"The dangers of texting while walking #17"

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

'All it needs is a ceiling fan.'

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

'Guess they're still fixing the street.'

'I'd like to come home... if I could.'

New York Scatological Society

Natural Phenomena of 15-E

"Could you fellas tell me if there's anyplace around here where I could find a fax machine?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'I've noticed that no matter how busy you are, you are never too busy to stop an talk about how busy you are.'