Caviar Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I intend to leave this earth with that with which I came into it …. Thirty million adjusted for inflation."

Red Square. He's an important man, the caviar chief for the whole country. I still think he could have laughed when I call him the "Sturgeon General." I (heart) Moscow.

'We'll have to cut back on the caviar, Oscar!'

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Party time.

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

Baker Romance

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"It's smells so good, but why do you have to wait so long?!"

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'I was in the catering corps.'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"We've misjudged the tapas again."

Restaurant Chef with book titled: 'Introduction To Cooking'.

You're the sizzle in my roast!