Cautionary Tale Teller Gifts

Cigarette Ash has made evil face.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Halloween may be a little different this year.

"There it was again...SOOIE! And then she realized the pig call was coming from inside the house!"

Horror Stories.

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

Street signs you don't want to see.

Early accounting scandals.

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

"We fell for this last time remember..."

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have an

Geekasaurus.

'... And as soon as it's discovered, don't play with fire!'

"Your story is quite the booze-filled dive into the depths of depravity. Is this your first children's book?"

I swear, we rode right through the town and my mistress Lady Godiva wasn't wearing a thing...

'It started off as stories I told my wife.'

"No, I'm scarier."

Yeah, yeah, yeah - tell my editor the fables are almost done, and she'll have them as soon as

Robot Olympics

'That's better than your fish stories, Dad.'

Little Red Riding Hood

'All that smoking has stunted your growth.'

"An amusing story no doubt Captain, but let me tell you about my experiences with the head hunters of the Amazon!"

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"Spare us the gory details."

"He wasn't specific. His last message just said, play it safe - whatever that means."

Anecdote Magazine

Only Larry showed a look of concern as he remembered his mother's warnings that he should never run with Scissors.

Screamers horror films, "crypt writer"

The Electric Fence Survivors Support Group

Giant bird.