Cattle Wrangler Gifts

"Well, the hills were alive with the sound of music...I'm sure!"

'Old Doc gets tired after a hundred head or so, and we try to help him out.'

'No, I own the cattle. He's the vet!'

'Tranquilizing gun, hell! This is a thirty-caliber Springfield!'

New Guy.

The first stock exchange - 'It's agreed then, one of my Longhorns for one of your holsteins.'

Urine Sample.

'Being a dairy cow has its drawbacks alright, but frankly, our life expectancy is much greater than that of beef-cattle...'

"Bubba, call the company again an tell them this thing still ani't working right."

As Farmer Ron wondered where his cows had gone, somebody started the truck.

'I told him that's where we keep the keys to his ride.'

"Psst. Stampede in five minutes. Pass it on..."

"Speed bumps have reduced stampede injuries."

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

High Riders of the Old West

A trevor of trainspotters

'Hold on there Jethro! You know I don't tolerate that kind of horseplay in this joint.'

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

Cop gives ASBO to cockerel: 'This of this as a cock-a-doodle-don't.'

'Did you want me, boss?'

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

Toastquest!

'Bulls and bears are my yin and yang.'

"I work out of my house filled with kids and pets. My hobby is trying to keep sane."

'Let's go, Denmore. The free-range chickens are stampeding towards the canyon.'

'Fresh eggs!'

'I can grant you 3 wishes as long as none of them are about getting up on the furniture.'

Rancher builds fence around angry bull.

"What's the problem Cowboy? Never heard of Cattle Driving before?"

"What's it like, working with your hands?"

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

'Lose another wrench to that black hole that sucks up all tools the instant you drop it?'

"Raising free-range chickens is the easy part. The hard part is the drive to Abilene."

"It's broken I'm afraid." "Will I be able to work?" "Depends. What do you do?" "Oh, I'm just a cowpoke for Circle 'Y' Ranch."