Catchphrase Connoisseur Gifts

Imitation Crab

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'Just a couple more and we'll call it a day.'

Sculptor's chippings

S**t Threw a Goose

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Mass Confucian

'Grog would never be able to finish a cross pictograph without his thesaurus.'

'This is serious. I think our area of expertise lacks a buzzword.'

Deadwood 25 miles

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

"Making up words to fit the puzzle is almost as hard as using the clues."

Rare Exceptions: The Straw that became a massage therapist dedicated to treating chronic back pain in camels...

Fisherman Funneral

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"

'that's what she said.'

Here Lies P_T_R W_I_L__S: Inventor of the Crossword Puzzle

Joke traffic signs.

Uncle Murray Weekly

Needle in a Haystack vs. Thumbtack in a Junk Drawer

"I wrote my essay specifically so that Hollywood could easily make a blockbuster out of it!"

"The difference between criminal geniuses and politicians is none of them are geniuses."