Cat Canine Rivalry Fan Pillows

Dog makes cats float with helium.

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

"That's how humans reproduce? But, there's three of them..."

"So, I've heard you call yourself 'King of the Jungle'! Based on what criteria exactly?"

"For goodness sake, stop this daily whining! She's just gone to work, she'll be back tonight! Get a grip!"

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

"Well, if I didn't send away for an entry application to the cat show, and you didn't send away for an entry application, who did?"

'Bad news: the report says it's cheaper if cats make it...'

'Great invention, Rex! What are you going to call it?'

'In the future you will address me as 'Your Royal Highness'.'

'It took me five years to learn, but now I can climb trees! Let's see if that darn cat will laugh at me now...'

Doggie Bowl Drill

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I ruin it for you by saying it was the butler who did it? Such a good book..."

"Me, I love vacuuming: it makes the dog next door barking mad! Works every time..."

Whilst a dog is weeing at the base of a tree, a squirrel wees at the entrance of it's dog house.

Strikeout Dog

"Heyyy! Where the hell did you learn that trick?"

"I'm not his best friend. But he is on my extended network."

"So how come he gets to stay inside and do his business?"

'I hereby sentence you to thirty days on a hot tin roof.'

"Lately, I've been trying to make ends meet...I've been chasing my tail."

Sick Exhibitionist

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

'I hear the meeting was cancelled last Saturday.' - 'Yeah. Someone drugged the hare.'

"This next arrow should shake things up a bit!"

"I'm for universal coverage but not for cats."

'And you need some reading material,eh?'

"The mainstream media has entered into a global conspiracy to make us less popular than dogs."

A dog cruising around in his car looking for cats, sporting his number of kill badges of cats on the side of his car.

"You know your mistake? When they say 'speak,' you speak."

'Uh oh! I don't like the looks of that jury.'

"It's a dog tradition. Every morning and evening, we thank God that we're not cats."

'Sorry, but I can't see you ever catching the neighbour's cat...'

'It took me five years to learn, but now I can climb trees! Let's see if that darn cat will laugh at me now...'