Cat Behavior Analyst Pillows

"Comparison is the thief of joy, Mittens."

"Oh, I'm not lost. I just like your flowerbeds better."

"Yeah, well, I was done petting you anyway!"

'Don't touch that -- I think it's some sort of art object.'

'And once more with feeling.'

Teach your cat to read self-help manuals

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

"I can't explain it, I have this irresistible urge to lie on his keyboard when he's working at home..."

"At last, the laser pointer is mine. Now I am the master."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

Cat Show

"Such a refreshing day...I've spent 18 hours between napping and comatose."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#&% arm."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

"Actually, There's a lot less pressure since I've gone from his best friend to his therapy dog."

"Curiosity."

'You show me how to pass that ridiculous company loyalty test, and I'll show you how to always land on your feet!'

"In this piece, Muffy uses broad, vigorous strokes in a passionate expression of feline angst."

"You have a remarkable lack of curiosity about your co-workers."