Feline Behavior Analyst Pillows

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"I spend all day arranging things on the table and you haven't knocked a single thing off."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

Cat Reunion

"If you can’t beat ’em, roll around in their decaying carcass."

"Such a refreshing day...I've spent 18 hours between napping and comatose."

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

"Can you come back next week? He's napping."

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

"What we have here is a severe case of over-growing."

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

"If you want to play fetch with the dog, throw your own @#&% arm."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

'Wait a minute - isn't this one yours and that one mine?'

"They're at that age where it's only cool to wag ironically."

'You show me how to pass that ridiculous company loyalty test, and I'll show you how to always land on your feet!'

Cat Gag Gifts

'Oh my god, I may have to walk on the floor!'

"You have a remarkable lack of curiosity about your co-workers."

"People are crazy."

'And once more with feeling.'

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

'Please Miss, I know why birds fly south in the winter. It's because it's too far to walk!'

Respect Zone: 'We respect yobs.'