Casual Encounter Expert Pillows

'Please don't tell me your name -- I'm not ready for a relationship right now.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"Of all the wet cement, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks in mine."

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

"Once you get over the three hundred and sixty eight texts it took to plan this, it really is nice to get together."

"Dude, Amazon is so popular they named a river after it."

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

Whilst browsing in his local flea market, Jimmy has an awkward encounter with an ex.

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

The Schmoozy Reaper

'I drink to bring about change.'

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'Maybe you need to practice walking.'

'It's a doughnut - just eat it!'

"You know that on-line romance you've been carryin' on? Well this here's Samantha!"

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

"You don't have to schedule a follow-up visit. You just come back whenever you want."

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'

Tunnel of like

"She stood me up. I hosed off my Crocs for nothing."

"I hate rhetorical questions. Know what I mean?"

"Round of golf or a round of drinks?"

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

"Sorry. I was expecting the lady. I can see you're busy. I'll call sometime. We'll do lunch."

'I've never felt like this on a first date, Tom, you're suffocating me.'