Casual Encounter Expert T-Shirts

'Please don't tell me your name -- I'm not ready for a relationship right now.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

"Of all the wet cement, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks in mine."

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"Once you get over the three hundred and sixty eight texts it took to plan this, it really is nice to get together."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

The Schmoozy Reaper

'I drink to bring about change.'

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

'Maybe you need to practice walking.'

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

"You know that on-line romance you've been carryin' on? Well this here's Samantha!"

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

'It's a doughnut - just eat it!'

"You don't have to schedule a follow-up visit. You just come back whenever you want."

Tunnel of like

"She stood me up. I hosed off my Crocs for nothing."

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

"Round of golf or a round of drinks?"

"I hate rhetorical questions. Know what I mean?"

"My gut instinct was to say yes. . . but years in social work have shown me how these things end up working out."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"Sorry. I was expecting the lady. I can see you're busy. I'll call sometime. We'll do lunch."

'I've never felt like this on a first date, Tom, you're suffocating me.'

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."