Casual Dating Observer Pillows

'I can't believe you actually JOINED the 'Psycho Girlfriend of the Month' Club!'

Speed Dating for Turtles

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

'Anorak anoraks'.

Updated fairy tales - "Cinderella." Dating Service. It's not often we get a client looking for a specific shoe size.

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

'She broke up with me because I'm a stray and, thus, always have fleas!'

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"If at first you don't succeed, buy me another drink."

"I just realized that unless I'm riding for some cause, I must look like an idiot."

Fini. That show was schmaltzy, way too sentimental. I'll never criticize anything that can be described as "cheesy"!

Valentine man in underpants.

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

'I couldn't figure out how to get rid of those stupid subtitles, so I slapped some duct tape over them.'

This week we've explored what might happen if there were a military draft. Hear what I say: How many soldiers died today? Now back to our regular programming. My iPad's shiny. My oil stocks are soaring.

"If they say 'Rubensesque' in their profile, they mean they're a Botero."

'I simply don't know what I'd do with mother, if it wasn't for the squatters!'

'There's nothing worth watching on TV, but he's not going to let a little thing like that stop him.'

Tunnel of like

"She stood me up. I hosed off my Crocs for nothing."

'Frankly, don't bother fighting over me: I don't fancy either of you...'

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

"I could see my mating dance had caught her eye, so I put more energy into it, but I ended up sweaty and out of breath: she lost interest then. . ."

Private thoughts of a television. I'd love the chance to ad lib just once!

'Actually I'm looking for a less meaningful relationship. I didn't understand the last one!'

"A movie? I would rather watch this!"

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

'Yes, I need to move: I'm starting to have a reputation on the bachelor scene here...'

'Watching the football.'

I like the cut of your jib. Okay, full disclosure time: I have a pretty sick jib fetish. ? ?

"You wouldn't understand, Muriel. It's a drunk thing."

I think the best part was when we decided not to record it.