Castmasters Gifts

Fly-fishing - Mr. Bungle always makes his flies on the bank of the stream. Here is one of his most successful efforts.

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"River well stocked this year."

'Is this river good for fish?' - 'Yes, so good the refuse to leave it.'

Beers

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

'I was up for a part in the Producers...'

Two grooms/wedding guests raise a glass.

He has his own peculiar problems whether casting from the beach or from a boat.

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

Cheers

Ice Fly-Fishing with Doug

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

A giant glass of red wine

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Toast'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

Prosecco

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

Charlotte Rampling

A very fine vintage

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

Casting in the swamp.

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

Chorister's Loose Teeth

Choirmaster conducting, with one hand over a choirboy's mouth.

"You've been offered a role as a husband who's been married for thirty years."

"To mom, apple pie, and foreign investors who keep our economy humming."