Castle Historian Gifts

"They're here to see to the drains..."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"What sorcery be this? Thine castle is bouncy!"

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

"He's his own worst enemy."

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

"What the hell took so long?"

"Early model of baggage claim"

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

"This makes Pamplona seem like child's play."

New Resident of Downing Street

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

'You must be awfully secure in your masculinity.'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"To begin with, I would like to express my sincere thanks and deep appreciation for the opportunity to meet with you. While there are still profound differences between us, I think the very fact of my presence here today is a major breakthrough."

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"His Excellency the Lord Premier Gooboy."

"Bob, the whole Cupid thing is a metaphor."

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"Is 'family' friend of foe?"

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

Clearing the castle's moat.